In Matthew’s gospel, Jesus is on a mountain (we don’t really know which one), allowing Peter and James and John be awed by a vision of Elijah and Moses. While they were there, the other 9 disciples were presumably at the bottom of the hill. An important scene was unfolding. Jesus had told them they would heal (Mt. 10:1) and had deputized them to do so. However, a man had brought his son to be healed and the disciples were unable to do it.
When they came to the crowd, a man approached Jesus and knelt before him. 15 “Lord, have mercy on my son,” he said. “He has seizures and is suffering greatly. He often falls into the fire or into the water. 16 I brought him to your disciples, but they could not heal him.” 17 “You unbelieving and perverse generation,” Jesus replied, “how long shall I stay with you? How long shall I put up with you? Bring the boy here to me.” 18 Jesus rebuked the demon, and it came out of the boy, and he was healed at that moment. 19 Then the disciples came to Jesus in private and asked, “Why couldn’t we drive it out?” 20 He replied, “Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.” Something woke up in me. My faith is often in what I can do. To be fair, I know that I am what I am and have done what I have done because Jesus is in me. My calling, my friendships, the churches and schools I have served would not have happened without Jesus calling me out of sin as a 14 year old boy and into a relationship with Him. Yet...yet I am too often like the disciples. “I know you are busy, Jesus. You are doing important stuff like planning your second coming. I’ve got these day to day tasks...” Suddenly I realize that tasks were supposed to be miracles and my faith/arrogance have kept them as tasks. I need Jesus. He saved me. He forgave–forgives–me. But I act like I don’t need Him to do His work.
When Jesus came down and calmed the chaos by healing the boy, the disciples–I believe sincerely–wanted to know why they could not do what they had told them they could do. He said that their faith was too small. My devotion this morning pointed out a distinction that helped me. They had a lot of faith, but it was the wrong kind of faith. Their faith was in what they could do, not in what Jesus could do. After all, Jesus was doing something else. We’ve got this, Lord.
This hit me hard. My morning devotion suggested that it was not so much a lack of faith as a lack of a kind of faith that surrenders self to Jesus. The “I surrender all” part of faith. Here is why it hit me hard. I am like the disciples. I have a task or a “to do” list or a ministry opportunity. As a pastor, I give input on hiring and building and planning. Like the disciples who said without saying, “Jesus you are doing important stuff up on the mountain and You can’t be everywhere at once. We will handle your light work.” We. I. My faith is in what Jesus would do through me, not on Jesus.
Don’t get me wrong. I am a different man because of Jesus. My calling, my relationships, my priorities, my motivation–when Jesus forgave me of my sin when I was 14, He called me to follow Him. When He called me to ministry when I was 20, He called me to serve Him. And I have. But He also gifted me with some abilities in teaching, preaching and administration. Today I confess that when there is a task, I think of it as my task. Jesus, this is just an administrative decision and as You know, I am good at administration. I’ve got this. My faith is too small, my vision is too narrow, my understanding is too little. It is His task, His decision, His hire, His plan, His building. A different kind of faith. Father, give me the faith of a mustard seed. The right kind of faith. The kind of faith that surrenders all. My prayer today is a song we used to sing in church:
All to Jesus I surrender,
All to Him I freely give;
I will ever love and trust Him,
In His presence daily live.
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